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aviation jokes

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EHM-0001 Gergely:
Tower: AFL741, Check the workers on taxiway Alpha.
AFL741: I checked, all of them are working!

*

- Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
- Roger. You are a fuel truck.

*

Tower: How much fuel do you have?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what?!
Pilot: Yes, sir!!!

*

The scene is a newspaper office. The editor says to one of his reporters: There's a fire raging out of control west of town and I want you to get out there fast. And above all, get some good shots. If that means you have to hire an airplane, just do it. Don't worry about the expense.

So, the reporter calls the local FBO and orders a plane. He rushes out to the airport, spots a small aircraft with a young pilot in it, pulls open the door, jumps in and says to the pilot: Let's go, take off. As directed, the pilot takes off, gets up to altitude, and the reporter then tells him, "See that fire raging to the west? I want you to fly over that and get down as close as you can."

Incredulous, the pilot says, "You want me to fly over that fire?"

"Sure," the reporter says, "I am a photojournalist and that's why I am here--to take dramatic shots of the fire!"

The pilot looks over with a quizzical look on his face and says, "You're not the flight instructor?"

*

Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"
Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"

EHM-1001 Robert:
Ha-ha-ha ;D ;D ;D. Both of these are cool !

I just remembered the new Vodafone promo with a famous Hungarian artist who have a good English-humour:

He is talking to his phone:
"The new European tariff is very good. I can talk to ANYBODY in Europe for only 25 Forints! Is ANYBODY there?..." ;D

EHM-0962 Zhen Yi:
hmm i dont quite get the third one.....could anyone explain it to me? :P

EHM-1343 Jonathan:
LOL
Love the one about the fire;D

EHM-0933 Richard:
Hey everyone, just thought I'd contribute to this ;D The following radio communications are all true, enjoy:

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Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement"

AC: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?"

Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".

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Leaving Palo Alto one Friday. A Citabria had just landed:

PAO: 85 Uniform, Taxi to position and hold.

XX: Position and hold, 85 Uniform.

Citabria: Umm, Tower, there's a dead seagull on the right side of the runway near the windsock.

PAO: Roger. 85 Uniform, cleared for takeoff. Watch for a dead seagull on the right side of the runway.

XX: 85 Uniform, Dead seagull traffic in sight.

A little later, the Citabria was downwind when heard:

PAO: Citabria 123, cleared to land 30. Caution - there's a buzzard trying to eat the seagull on the runway.

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Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have   the airfield in sight?!?!!"

Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

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Student Naval Aviator (SNA) flying in back on an instrument hop, very lost, very flustered, inadvertently keys XMIT instead of ICS to tell Instructor Pilot (IP) he is less-than-optimally situationally aware:

SNA: (broadcasts to world) "Sir, I'm all f**ked up."

Whiting TWR: "Aircraft using obscenity, identify yourself."

(short pause)

IP: "My student said he was f**ked up; he didn't say he was stupid."

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